A couple of days ago, a new father walked into the baby store where I work in my non-doula, non-mommy hours. He immediately apologized for being in a zombie like state and I laughed and said, "you must have just joined the club." His baby was five days old. His wife was at home napping and he was on a mission to improve sleep.

Many dads come in to our store frantically looking for a solution to the "sleep" issue. Here's the thing: Sleep changes when babies come. There are those people who have the miraculous children that sleep through the night from birth but they are few and far between. In fact, I bet they have pretty hungry babies. Newborns have tiny stomachs and their systems wake up them up for a reason. Trust the process.

This is an important lesson that extends beyond sleep. There is no quick and easy solution in life or in parenting. Remain calm. Everything is fluid. The morning after even the hardest night of tears and feedings and diaper explosions, those babies seem to be the cutest they have ever been. It is important to remember that each phase is just that-a phase. Ever passing.

Trust the entire process from those few zombie-like weeks to the joys and challenges that follow.

As a parent, your job is to guide, educate, nurture and love. You cannot force. You will learn this in the toddler years but it is important to note it in the wee hours of infant life.

You will be tired. You will be anxious. You will be more in love than ever before.

You will get through this phase...and the next.

Recently, I read an article about three foreign women sent by the U.N. to assess gender equality. I was not surprised to find their reactions to be less than enthused. In fact, the article states that they were horrified. Horrified. Read it here

My previous posts have discussed the emotion and specifically the guilt ridden moments of my postpartum journey. I am coming to realize how much of that was created by the society we live in. My husband came to the table with his very specific set of expectations surrounding motherhood and marriage and parenting and so did I. Our expectations have been shaped by what we have been taught about parenting either from our own families, friends and this less than family friendly and yet family focused society. How confusing to realize that the common argument of American family values is far from the reality of how America values family and how that relates to gender equality.

When we lived in Prague, I struggled with my limited understanding of gender relations in the country. The Czech Republic seemed to be the perfect country for men, filled with beautiful women, amazing beer and meat and potatoes all day every day. My job search led me to believe that women were relegated to positions as child care workers or administrative assistants. Employment seemed related to beauty, relationship status and age. This was my misguided understanding as I was not involved enough to know where to find the type of gender equality in the workplace that I thought I was accustomed to. 

Travelling abroad is such a valuable experience because not only does it show you new things but it teaches you to view your 'normal' through new eyes. What I learned in Prague is the value placed on the mother and the family. Paid Family leave can be split between parents and lasts for three years. That takes the child up to preschool age which is of course also provided as is healthcare to the entire nation. We found that these practices led to an enriched family life that led many of our Czech friends to leave the city each weekend to travel home to 'willage' to be with family. 

It took me returning to my 'normal' space to realize that my focus on the gender relations as related to employment blinded me from seeing the value of making space for individuals to parent. That in fact, being a mother is normal rather than a challenge to overcome in the workplace. Where I come from, being a woman is a challenge and being a parent is a challenge. Women are marked at work if they have kids. They are marked by their health insurance companies. Parents learn very quickly how hard it is to work with kids and to socialize with kids etc etc. 

But what if it wasn't that way? What would that look like? What needs to happen to make it so?