Not Quite Right

Two times in the months following my daughter's birth, my midwife and my daughter's pediatrician handed me a 6 question survey to determine if I was struggling with the dreaded postpartum depression. Questions such as:

Do you have violent thoughts about yourself?
Do you have violent thoughts about your baby?
Are you afraid to be alone with your baby? Etc.

Well, no.

So there it was, no postpartum depression. And yet, I was not quite right. I felt I was doing well considering I was getting up each morning and attempting to complete chores. Although, I think my chore completion rate was fairly low. My mother's consistent reminders to exercise were met with disdain but were an indication that I was not myself.

I could not shake the funk as I honestly felt like I was doing a great deal each day, I just could not tell you what I did in a day. In speaking with many other women, it became apparent that I was not alone. We all had experienced the same questions regarding depression but the issue was more like walking in an unpredictable fog.

So, what does one do it this situation? Well, I definitely did not work out. I cried. While crying helps, it did little to keep my partner from questioning how this woman who had always wanted to have children would find this so hard. In fact, he questioned the likelihood of having another child. I do not share this information to paint him in any light other than a good man looking at his wonderful partner and questioning where she had gone.

I didn't have an answer. Those early months were full of "I'm sorry" and "I don't know" and so many tears.

Let me be clear, I wasn't sobbing all day and night and I was able to attend to the needs of my baby but my mind and body were foggy. I certainly could not shake it easily.

Sound familiar? Let's talk.